i feel as though the past few months have been practice in "real life" for me. i'm finally experiencing what most of the world experiences all of the time: a full-time job. i've had full-time jobs before obviously, but truthfully i think the longest running one occurred while i lived with mollie and jeff. i tried to pitch in with cleaning and other things while i was with them, but i'm realizing mollie did a lot of it then. i don't think that was a true experience of working full-time and balancing everything else. i've spent the past two years working a multitude of part-time jobs, but even then i still had at least one week day where i was home alone all day. i got used to running errands during the day, spending time with emily and the kids, getting some cleaning done around the house, being able to have dinner ready when lisa got home. it's a lot different now. i'm rambling. and it's probably boring.

i'm still trying to sort out my feelings about my new job. basically i think my boss is asking for an absurb amount of work. i'm trying to learn how to balance everything at work and i'm not sure it's working yet. i don't know if it will ever work. my theory is that he is trying (again) to ask 3.5 people to do the work of 4+. i've approached my boss repeatedly with concerns that i am not able to get accomplish all of the things i'm supposed to be doing. he has yet to even acknowledge that i'm speaking. earlier this week i had resolved to just do everything i am capable of and if the rest doesn't get accomplished then let it fall apart. maybe then he'll realize i can't be responsible for so much. that's not to say that i'm being lazy either. i run in circles attempting to be superwoman: train the new cashier, fill the prescriptions, answer the phone, wait on customers, and everything else my boss keeps asking me to do "in my spare time". but i think at some point i need to be able to just let go of the rest and let him realize the impossibility of what he wants to happen. i can't seem to do it. i feel strangely responsible for the fact that the shelves are bare and that the old ladies keep asking me where the H the denture toothpaste/fish oil/pretzels/alka-seltzer/toothbrushes/banana flavored marshmallow candies are. i would really like to tell one of them: well ma'am my boss overworks me and i don't have TIME to restock the shelves because i'm too busy putting labels on every single product in the store, typing in each barcode by hand and updating the computer inventory so that everything can automatically refill, training the new cashier, spending two hours reorganizing the vitamins that he had me spend six hours putting out on the shelf (that i had only a month ago also reorganized) last week, listening to him drone on about how to do data entry, oh AND doing my job filling prescriptions. i'm trying to decide if it's unfair of me to no longer WANT to deal with the dollar store since he did hire me as a technician. i don't LIKE the dollar store. i LIKE doing the tech stuff. i applied for the job. i got it. now he changes the job title. i sort of hope he reads this maybe he'll finally see my frustration. i don't know if that will ever happen, five very frank conversations haven't done a thing.